


and the years pass (we're so fucking dumb)

by tamamushigami



Category: Hey! Say! JUMP, Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-29
Updated: 2017-11-29
Packaged: 2019-02-08 13:37:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12865644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tamamushigami/pseuds/tamamushigami
Summary: He knew it would come to this. He feared it the moment he came to know of the existence of soulmates.At the age of 18, every person gets a mark on their body, which is their soulmark.





	and the years pass (we're so fucking dumb)

**Author's Note:**

> Quick thing about soulmates and I figured I could post it on Chinen's birthday as well lol  
> I had a proper plot first but it just snowballed and I am not sure where I wanted it to end up as...so yeah, the pacing is weird lol
> 
> better luck next time! 8D

At the age of 18, every person gets a mark on their body, which is their soulmark. This soulmark will be appearing on their soulmate they day they also turn 18. On the day the matching mark appears, they will either be colored red or green, depending on its bond - romantic or platonic respectively. Some people go long ways to find their soulmate while some don't even care.

In the case of Chinen Yuri, he has been suffering for years with the knowledge of who his soulmate was. On November 30th, his world had completely taken a turn he feared the most. His soulmark had appeared on his hip bone, partially shielded from the world when he had clothes on, but fully visible the moment he changed clothes or went half-naked. The problem wasn't the mark itself, but whom he was fated to. Yamada Ryosuke. His best friend in the whole world. The one who meant the world to him - soulmates or not. Ever since Yamada's birthday and the appearance of his soulmark, Chinen had been praying they wouldn't match - not as romantic partners at least, but life wanted to play games with him apparently.

On Yamada's neck, a bright red mark representing a mountain plum-pine branch was shown to the world. The male himself didn't know what was shown at all but adored the idea of someone matching him. Chinen had instantly connected what the mark was and his fears had started to grow. Back then, he had only frowned but still entertained the older in his happiness. To Chinen, having a soulmate meant something else was deciding the outcome. Even if he knew that some soulmates didn't work out, they were still bonded and worked in a way no one understood. If you really were meant for someone, why would a mark change that? If you have someone you treasure and feel yourself with, why would one drop them the moment they find their soulmate? He had problems grasping the understanding about soulmates and the hype about it. If you like someone, you like them, right?  
The moment he had felt his mark appearing, he had rushed to the bathroom, throwing his shirt off and inspected the mark. He had groaned out loud and rested his hands on the sink. The realization had hit him and while he had felt how everything made sense, he had known that it wasn't how he wanted it to be. The mark had felt like fire when he touched it. He had cursed the situation under his breath but dug through his makeup bag nonetheless. He had been prepared. Makeup lines had been producing countless of products for people who wanted to cover up their marks, and he had not thought twice before buying a bottle of coverage. The last thing he had wanted was for the members to pry and ask him questions. The sloppy layer of coverage had to do for now. He had silently gone back to bed, not wanting to disturb Yamada (whom he always got paired with nowadays) and his well-needed rest. Not that the older male would even notice if he turned on the light or anything.

 

Years later, or seven years later to be exact, neither Yamada or any of their group members knew about Chinen's mark. They had stopped asking about it after a year or so of absence. Sometimes people didn't get a mark - and they all figured one of them would be the exception. Yamada however, clung to the topic longer. Occasionally, he had asked Chinen questions about it, about soulmates in general and was genuinely interested in why Chinen wasn't. The shorter one of them had just shrugged and said he didn't really care. He didn't, but he did. He just didn't want the soulmate thing and soulmark be the reason why he found his partner. Love was something that you worked for yourself, right? Not something that was handed to you by fate.

When they first learned about soulmates, Chinen had not hesitated to question their teacher. The whole class had been silently laughing at him. Soulmates were a thing. Why did he have to question it? It was an easy way to make sure you found happiness - because everyone wanted happiness.

When Yamada had gotten his soulmark and started gushing about his potential partner, Chinen had played along. Because he knew Yamada was a hopeless romantic. He also knew that Yamada respected his own views about soulmates. The twinkling emotion that emerged from Yamada's eyes as he traced the mark on his neck made Chinen feel uneasy. Back then, he hadn't known they would match, but he had been aware of his own feelings. For years, Chinen Yuri had been in love with Yamada Ryosuke. Even if they were 18, barely adults and so much more to discover, Chinen had understood early that Yamada was the one for him. That's why he felt so conflicted about the soulmate issue. Seeing Yamada being excited about his future partner made him feel really uneasy. He didn't want to give Yamada to someone else. Even if he couldn't have him for himself. He had considered confessing before the year of their 18th birthdays, but he knew Yamada would say yes. He also knew the older would choose his soulmate when they appeared, but also do his best to not hurt Chinen. It would also mean that Yamada would be going out of his way to being considerate towards Chinen. That's why Chinen had decided that he would never confess. If fate really existed, it would make Yamada fall in love with Chinen before they turned 18. However, nothing happened.

 

It was soon his birthday, and he could feel that Yamada had planned something.

"Make sure you're free," he had said to him countless of times the past month. Chinen had only nodded and cleared up everything.

The topic of soulmates was brought up during one rehearsal break and Chinen felt out of place once again. Everyone else was showing off their marks without any shame and while he was happy about his friends, he didn't want to engage himself in conversations he didn't find himself immersed in. He knew who his soulmate was and he also knew what the consequences would be if he told Yamada. He didn't want the soulmark to be the reason Yamada loved him. With or without the soulmark - soulmates or not. He wanted Yamada to love him as himself.

"Say, Yamada, have you found your soulmate yet?" Takaki asked as they stretched.

Yamada shook his head and smiled bitterly. Chinen bit his lip and unconsciously traced the outline of his hip where his mark rested. It was burning. So badly. The older male brought up his fingers to his neck and caressed the mark as he spoke.

"They're probably somewhere far away. One day I hope I'll get to meet them. It's my fated person after all,"

The mark was burning so badly that Chinen wanted to run away. The longer Yamada kept touching the mark, the more it burned. Chinen knew that the mark wanted him to tell Yamada the truth. It wanted them to match and find their solace. He hissed as the mark suddenly started to hurt more than it usually did whenever Yamada touched his mark. Goddamnit.

"Are you okay Chinen?" Yamada's attention was on him instantly and it didn't help. At all. "You look like you're hurting,"

"It's nothing, I just stretched wrongly," He waved it off and cursed silently. Of course, it would start acting strangely now.

"Take it easy then, don't hurt yourself, okay?" Yamada frowned, not buying Chinen's words at all, but let it go as he trusted Chinen to know the right thing to do. The younger just nodded in response and released a sigh as he stretched.

 

The rest of the rehearsal went smoothly without any interruptions from the mark. Chinen wished for work to end quickly so he could speed home and just hide from the reality. Said reality wanted the opposite though. Yamada invited him out for a quick dinner after they had changed out of their practice gear, and Chinen didn't have the heart to refuse. Yamada would only wonder why and be worried if he said no as well, seeing that it was one of his rare evenings off. They ended up at their usual dinner spot and took a seat in a secluded corner booth. Chinen could feel how Yamada was hiding his urge to ask him questions, and he knew Yamada could also feel that Chinen knew - even if the older wasn't aware they were soulmates. Chinen sighed and put down his glass of water as he nudged Yamada's legs below the table.

"I know you want to ask me something," He let out and the older male avoided his gaze. "Don't give me that look Ryosuke, I can literally feel how you've been hesitating to ask the whole evening, making all that forced small talk,"

"I just..." he started hesitantly and sipped on his drink. "Do you really have no mark?"

It wasn't the first time he'd asked about it, far from it. The only difference now was that he seemed worried about it - as if it was a big problem.

"Again? I told you before, I didn't feel or see anything the day I turned 18, you saw it yourself back then." Chinen sighed as he lied through his teeth. "You were more excited about it than I was, and I still remember how devastated you were when you saw I had no mark,"

"I know that, it's just, you seem... lonely," Yamada was speaking carefully with a small voice as if Chinen would snap at him anytime. The older male knew Chinen disliked the topic of soulmates but he never really understood why. He just wanted some insight.

"I'm not," Chinen retorted and frowned. "I told you before, I don't need a soulmate. I am fine as it is now,"

"I know that, but wouldn't it be amazing to have someone by your side - no matter what? Someone who understands you like no one else does and really accepts you for who you are? I always thought you'd at least get a platonic mark," Yamada blabbered and his lip twitched between a smile and his poker face.

"I just think it's a bit misleading to rely on the marks so much, you should love the person for who they are - with or without the mark. I understand it helps a lot to introduce each other, but other than that? I don't see the point, it's like you're telling yourself to love that person because they are your _soulmate_ and not that the person is your soulmate because you love _them_ ,"

To Chinen, that had always been his biggest issue with soulmates. The soulmark shouldn't dictate who you should love. It shouldn't make a person change or realize their feelings for someone. It all seemed so forced and fake. Chinen didn't want Yamada to suddenly force himself to love him romantically just because a stupid mark said they were meant for each other. People were so attached to their marks and in Chinen's opinion, that was so stupid. When Chinen realized he loved Yamada, he had really cursed the soulmarks. He had never believed he'd fall for his soulmate if it had been someone else than Yamada. Once he got attached to someone, he got really attached.

"Are you in love with anyone?" Yamada's question took him by surprise and his eyes widened. Sure, he wore his emotions on his sleeves, but he had really tried to hide it. His behavior around Yamada wasn't anything out of the usual, or was it? He never initiated anything more unless Yamada did it first, even if he was screaming inside to just jump the older male.

" _What if I am?_ " He challenged and out of curiosity, he wanted to see Yamada's reaction to it. The older male had never before even seemed interested in Chinen's lack of love life before - aside from some general comments whenever the topic of soulmarks came up during their group chat sessions, but he had never confronted him about in private before.

"Then the one you love will be the luckiest person in the world," The smile Yamada gave Chinen made his heart constrict and skip a beat. Was Yamada jealous or genuinely happy for him? Chinen didn't know and it made him frown. Yamada's voice was so smooth and understanding at the same time. The previous confusion and hurry in his voice when they talked about Chinen's "non-existent" mark was gone.

"What do you mean?"

"The one you love is the luckiest person on earth to receive your love, have you confessed yet?" Yamada seemed so interested in this matter, and Chinen was at loss of words. Was this really the time to start being interested? Weren't there other more important issues to talk about? Like, how Yamada was so fucking clueless. Chinen drew a sharp breath as his mark started burning. Great timing. Yamada immediately noticed Chinen's discomfort and stopped his endless stream of questions as he stood up and took a hold of Chinen's shoulders. "Are you okay? Where does it hurt?"

"I'm fine-"

"No, you've been wincing all day, don't lie to me." Yamada interrupted him and looked at him sternly. It wasn't like he would understand. It wasn't like he would want the truth. "Don't say it's just a strain, I know you rarely strain yourself at our rehearsals, you take better care of yourself than anyone in our group does."

"It's really nothing," Chinen muttered and avoided Yamada's gaze. "It's nothing I can't take care of myself,"

"Why do you have to be so stubborn about this? I know there's something bothering you, even to the point it's physically hurting you, yet you can't even rely on me," He whined and grabbed Chinen's chin to make him face him. "Am I really worth so little?"

Chinen bristled at the question. Yamada dared to play that card. Everyone and their pets knew Chinen held Yamada in high regard - not as high as Ohno, but definitely higher than the others in their group. He would run to Yamada for everything. Everyone, including Yamada, knew that. How in the world do you talk to someone when the matters are about them? Thankfully they didn't choose their ace for his intelligence at least.

"That's not it! You know that Ryosuke!" Chinen hissed at the taller male as he stared back with heated eyes. He was so pissed off at Yamada for asking that.  
  
"Then tell me!" Yamada shot back and released his hold on Chinen's chin and leaned backward. "Tell me, just like you used to do,"

"I'll tell you alright," Chinen hissed, grabbed the ace's wrist and stormed off to the bathroom stalls (lack of better private areas).

He pushed Yamada inside an empty stall, making the ace drop his ass onto the toilet seat gracefully. Said ace looked up at Chinen with a mix of confusion and admiration. Chinen ripped off a piece of toilet paper and quickly soaked it with some water. He proceeded to lift his T-shirt up, making Yamada hold his breath slightly (one point to Chinen), before tugging his pants lower on his hips.

"You wanted to know, so no turning back now," Chinen glared at his unknowing soulmate and wiped the mark concealer off his hipbone.

The mark glowed red and pulsed with heat as if it knew its match was nearby. Chinen bit his lip and watched Yamada discern the mark with curious eyes. At this very moment, they both knew what everything meant. Chinen was ready (as ready as he could ever be) to be rejected by the older male. He didn't want Yamada to return his feelings because they suddenly (mutual knowledge) became soulmates.

"Now you know," He let out in a whisper.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" Yamada whispered back, one hand hovering over the burning mark, and the other touching his own on his neck. "Why did you hide something like this from me?"

Yamada looked up at Chinen, eyes now filled with betrayal and confusion. The latter bit his lip and looked away. He knew Yamada knew all the reasons, but at the same time, it was a valid question. There wasn't anything in the world that would be able to really destroy their relationship. The soulmark itself was one proof of it. Maybe Chinen had just been scared. No, that wasn't it. He was firm in his belief that love was not born out of the mark but between the persons themselves.

"What good would that have done?"

"It could have changed a lot! Just look at us now, this wouldn't be necessary. We could have -" Yamada exclaimed and his grip on his own neck tightened.

"We could have what, Ryosuke? Lived happily ever after? It's not how it works - it's not how I want it to work," Chinen snapped back and interrupted the taller. "This mark doesn't tell me if you love me for who I am or because I happen to be your soulmate - it could have been anyone!"

"It doesn't matter!" Yamada shot back and pinned Chinen to the wall, one hand on the mark on Chinen's hip bone, finally touching it. A hiss slipped out of the smaller's mouth as Yamada touched the mark, but this time it wasn't because it was burning. This time it felt like the whole world had opened itself for him - shedding light on everything dark, hydrating everything dry and reviving everything dead. Like he had found the missing pieces to his puzzle. Considering Yamada's similar reaction when he touched the mark, Chinen knew they felt the same. They locked eyes with each other for a second before Yamada exhaled and leaned in, resting his head on Chinen's shoulder.

"It doesn't matter, really," He repeated softly. "It couldn't be just anyone because the only one I want and need is you,"

"Liar,"

"It's been years, so many painful years, I know I should have told you long ago before we got our marks, but I was a coward," Yamada began, his other hand finding Chinen's and intertwining their fingers. "After we all started to get our marks, you started talking about your views on them, and the day I got my mark, you looked so conflicted. The rest of the year, I had hoped with my whole heart I'd match with you in some way. Because I can't see myself without you. When you told me you didn't get a mark, I was so broken inside. I didn't want anyone else. I didn't want to leave you for someone I didn't choose myself. I am a hopeless romantic, and the whole soulmate thing just fuels it. Trust me when I say I've been loving you from the start,"

Yamada's explanation made sense to Chinen, yet it didn't. Yamada had never acted on his feelings or even showed a hint of it before. Or had Chinen just been too blind? All his frustration, pain and sorrow towards the soulmate issue, started to ebb down. Yamada's sole touch made him feel featherlight. It was different from when they did fan service. It felt like it was going to be okay. Was it okay to take the chance? Was it okay to give in so easily?

"You're so fucking dumb," He breathed out, surprising Yamada. "We're so fucking dumb, I can't even,"

The older chuckled lightly and smiled into Chinen's shoulder.

"We really are,"

Chinen threw his arms around Yamada and hugged him tight - it was different from their usual hugs. This time, Chinen could relax fully into Yamada's embrace and swim in the overwhelming emotions. His mark pulsed with a steady rhythm he'd never felt before, matching up with Yamada's heartbeat. His doubts and fears still lingered, they've been so engraved into him for years, but each second with Yamada now eased away everything. He still despised the idea of soulmates and soulmarks, but if it meant that Yamada was really going to be stuck with him for the rest of their lives, maybe they weren't so bad after all.

"I spent so many years hiding, telling myself this was for the best - because I believed that you wouldn't even consider me without a mark. Which also was the reason why I didn't want to confess first, you'd be so considerate towards me and go along," Chinen sighed and spilled all his thoughts to the older, as he buried his face into Yamada's shirt.

"Now you're not gonna be able to get rid of me, even if you want to," The ace chuckled as he caressed Chinen's hair. "We're forever,"

"Wouldn't even dream of it now,"

"Not even for Ohno-kun?"

"...maybe,"


End file.
